Pieces
by Saint Arkham
Summary: When everything, gets too much for ya, when one person has completley destroyed your life, i some /i people get mad. i Some /i people get even. i Harry Potter /i throws Molotov Cocktails at The Prophet's main printer. Crack-fic


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Pieces

'Voldemort is dead. That's good. I'm alive. That's very good. Ginny's dead. That's bad. Rita Skeeter's alive too. That's very bad.' Thought Mr. Potter as he slowly went threw his hangover ritual. It was a way for him to remember what he had done last night, and whether they were good or bad. He created this so that he wouldn't be shocked in the morning when his drunken outings were scandalized in the paper each morning by Skeeter. It had gotten to the point where she was paying people to seduce/start fights with him so she could write about him. 'I'm an Auror. That's great. Renegade Death Eaters killed Ron and Hermione. That's very bad. I was there. That's worse. So was Skeeter. That's…'

"Fuuucckkk!" he said, remembering last night's events. After two years of fighting the death Eaters who had banded together right after Voldemort's death, they had struck their final blow tonight, killing them all, with only three casualties, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny… and Skeeter was there to record it all with her camera. The whole thing was recorded in the paper, so if he opened it up, he would see them die again… still, he needed to know other things about the battle, like any escapees or MIAs and such, so he opened it up:

Potter: the Boy Who Failed? Two civilians and one Auror dead! By Rita Skeeter

While we all adore young Mister Potter for his defeat of You Know Who, as an Auror, he is lacking. His gross incompetence and negligence has caused the death of Auror Ronald Weasley, as well as Mr. Weasley's wife Hermione Weasley and sister Ginerva Weasley.

Upon hearing of this, the Weasley Matriarch Mrs. Molly Weasley had this to say:

"I am shocked and appalled by this… _boy's _ mistakes. He has destroyed my family. Once we saw him as another son, but no more. We always thought he was a bit light in the loafers anyway, Ginny was so sweet on him and he just ignored her! It is clear to us he is a poof and we shall associate with him no longer. If you wish to know any embarrassing secrets about him, please just ask."

The rest of the family had similar things to say. I for one agree with this whole-heartedly. I have petitioned to Minister Shacklebolt to act upon this immediately, and he complied. A warrant for Mr. Potter's arrest has been sent out. He will be brought in and be sent to Azkaban for life without a trial. I personally am petitioning for The Kiss. If you agree, simply sign on this line to be added to the list of petitioners.

Furious could not even begin to describe Harry. Especially since the deaths were _not his fault_. Skeeter was there and she knew it! It was all that fuckin' traitor…

Flashback:

_They had raided the fortress and were closing in. There were spells being flung everywhere, Death Eaters were dropping like flies, yet he had not gotten a single casualty. Then they reached the Main Chamber where the Death Eater's new mysterious leader resided. He had taken control of them right after Voldemort's defeat and had since then been wreaking havoc across the globe, linking up with various anti-muggle groups in America, Russia, Africa, and China to pose a serious threat to all wizards everywhere._

_There was a huge, twenty-foot tall throne in the middle of the room. There was a chalk circle going all the way around it and in the throne was…_

"_Neville! I always knew you were evil!" Harry screamed._

"_Oh, I'm not evil, I was merely… jealous." He sneered. Then Harry noticed that gagged and bound on the floor before Neville was… Ginny._

"_You see, it was quite easy to kidnap her, after all, I'm practically a squib, what danger am I to somebody?" he said sarcastically._

"_You let her go now!" Harry screamed desperately. Just then Ron entered the room carrying… Hermione?_

"_You'll never believe who I found here, all tied up. She's fine though, just a bit dazed…"_

_Ron stopped as he finally noticed Neville and Ginny._

"_If I can't have her Harry, no one can!" he said, before crushing Ginny's skull. Harry was frozen to the floor. His girlfriend, dead…_

"_**NEVILLE!"**__ Ron screamed before charging at him. When he reached the circle, he was turned to ash._

"_Ron!" Hermione screamed before doing the exact same thing… cleverest witch indeed._

"_Neville!" Harry yelled, before doing the intelligent thing and, instead of charging at Neville, shooting a stupefy spell at him. He tripped on his feet trying to dodge it, and fell into the circle, joining 'Ron and Hermione's Brotherhood Of Idiots Who Were Turned Into Ash'. Harry slid to his knees in mourning._

_Meanwhile, Skeeter came out of nowhere and said, "Yes, that's about enough for a headline, don't you think?"_

_He then bolted up and grabbed her by the collar and lifted her a foot off the ground._

"_Listen here you bitch! Leave me in peace or I'll leave you in pieces!" he said between gritted teeth before dislocating her shoulder for emphasis. Before she could even scream though, he had popped it back in. "Just so we understand each other. Now get the fuck out of here!" She transformed into a beetle and flew away thinking that even considering the pain, setting up that Neville kid with the Imperious curse was giving her the best scoop ever …_

Flashback End


End file.
